Breast in Show: an Adventure in Portland Traffic

Her right hand had a firm grasp on a half-eaten sandwich, while her left hand was grabbing and shaking her left breast at me out her car window. Both the sandwich and the breast were spilling out of their respective containers, if you will. Did I mention she was driving? Her window was rolled down and she was mouthing, “You want some of this?!” What. Is. Happening.

This all happened while we were sitting at a stoplight for the 15 (longest) seconds it took for the light to turn green. As I start driving again, I try to ignore the fact that this sandwich-crazed, boob grabber is doing her best to keep pace with me in order to get my attention again. Good lord, what do you need from me?

The woman was finally forced to pass me as our two lanes merged. Without fail, she continued her antics (cry for help?) at every stoplight, confusing every motorist on the road — but I wasn’t even bothered anymore! This was by far the most entertained I’ve ever been while driving. You do you, girl.

Our lanes were not the only things to merge that day — but also our hearts. Thank you for the not so subtle reminder that I, too, love sandwiches, and I should probably be better about self-screenings.

car in traffic

Khoa Nguyen

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